


You saved me

by AbiHummel3007



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Canon Divergence, Depression, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Hurt Lance (Voltron), I do not know what else to tag, Lance Needs a Hug, Langst, Lotor is a good guy, M/M, No farmer Lance, Not really mean, Oblivious Team, References to Depression, Suicidal Thoughts, implied suicidal thoughts, lance GETS a hug
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-16
Updated: 2021-03-16
Packaged: 2021-03-24 21:13:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,295
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30078390
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AbiHummel3007/pseuds/AbiHummel3007
Summary: The universe was so big and so empty, the vast majority of it was empty space, between planets there was not much, and that made him feel alone as if the emptiness was also consuming him. At nights Lance often surprised himself in the observation deck of the castle of lions just watching the space. But not the stars or the other things that could be appreciated out there… No… Just the black space between them.ORHow Lance learn the importance of catharsis and of having someone willing to give him a good hug.
Relationships: Lance & Lotor (Voltron), Lance & Voltron Paladins, Lance/Lotor (Voltron)
Comments: 1
Kudos: 34





	You saved me

**Author's Note:**

> Well, I have been wanting to write something for the Voltron fandom for a long time, and here is it, a one shot that intended not to be longer than a thousand words and end up like this. I cannot help myself when writing about Lance. 
> 
> A short warning, the fic contains certain references to depression and suicidal intent. It is not really explicit but if you are sensitive to this topics do not read. 
> 
> And also, English is not my first language, so please excuse my grammatical mistakes.

The universe was so big and so empty, the vast majority of it was empty space, between planets there was not much, and that made him feel alone as if the emptiness was also consuming him. At nights Lance often surprised himself in the observation deck of the castle of lions just watching the space. But not the stars or the other things that could be appreciated out there… No… Just the black space between them.

  
On his head he knew that he was not alone, he had a team, he had friends out there, but he did not have his family and he missed them. He missed them so much… The void inside him sometimes was so huge at nights and even during the day… He had a team, but sometimes he felt left out of it also, he felt as if he didn’t have a real place within them. Everyone had a talent, something that made them unique and irreplaceable but… What did he have? It was clear that the others only saw them as a goofball. Was he just that?

  
He was not a strong fighter nor a leader, at least not when compared with Keith or Shiro, he did not know how to cook or how to be emotional support for the rest as Hunk, and he was too dumb to understand alien technology the way Pidge did… He had nothing, he was nothing. Hell, his constant bickering with Keith was a proof of that, the other male didn’t have problems being vocal about how little he did for all of them.

  
So, alone in the middle of the night cycle, looking through the window of the observation deck, looking at the void between the stars he felt like he could just jump out there and die alone without anybody noticing… No one would miss him, he was sure of that… Maybe at home someone would have cry for him, but maybe they already had cried for him when he disappeared all those months ago inside Blue.

  
By that point he probably was just a painful memory for his family… A memory that they rather ignore to avoid suffering. He sighed and hugged himself. He had always been a very tactile person, coming from a big family there were always hugs and kisses, or at least a pat in the leg or back, out there, touch was not that common aside from training. Hell, he couldn’t remember for the live of him the las time that somebody had hugged him out of the blue just for the sake of doing it.

  
Another sigh escaped from between his lips while turning his back on the window. He had wasted enough time staring the nothingness. He needed to go back and catch some sleep. He needed to look well enough to keep pretending that everything was alright. He needed his strength to keep hanging there. Slowly he made his way back to his living quarters. To sleep in a bed that wasn’t his bed, to sleep in an empty room that wasn’t his room…

  
\---------------------------------------

When Lotor first arrived to the Castle of Lions claiming that he wanted to be their ally all the alarms in his head went off. That was not right, surely someone else would notice, surely someone smarter than him will also point out how fishy all the deal was. But it did not happen, everyone seemed thrilled to have him by their side and everyone dismissed him as being selfish and jealous of the Galran Prince. The void inside of him grew a little bigger that day.

  
That void that he had manage to control by hanging in the small reassurances that Keith gave him while he was the Black Paladin, but now Keith was gone and he could no longer hang on that, not when Shiro dismissed him the way he did. The void was back in full force and nothing seem able to contain it anymore. Maintaining his happy going façade was becoming harder by the day and soon he found himself back in the observation deck at the night cycle just watching the emptiness between the stars.

  
“Greetings, Blue Paladin,” a rich deep voice reached him and he knew who it was even without having to look, “I did not expect to found you here this late,” of course Lotor had to be the one finding him there when he was feeling the most vulnerable.  
“Good night,” he whispered, he did not have the strength to pull off his façade in that moment, he couldn’t even gather the strength to turn to face the man, he was just so fucking tired. “I’m no longer the Blue Paladin, I’m the Red one, though,” correcting the man was the only thing he was capable of doing at that point and felt like a little accomplishment being able to at least do that.  
“I know,” then why have he called him the Blue one? To show how little he mattered? “I just assume that since you still wear the blue armor you prefer to be called that way,” oh… That was actually nice of him… He hadn’t wanted to change his armor for the red one because doing it would mean that Keith was gone forever, and even with all the bickering and hurtful words that they had spited to each other Lance still really, really loved him and missed him.  
“Yeah, probably I do,” he had connected with Red and Red had accepted him with open arms, even then he could feel her purring in a corner of his mind as if trying to reassure him but he just missed Blue so much… He missed his girl.  
“You have been avoiding me,” it was no big surprise the prince has noticed.  
“Yeah, probably I had,” denying it would be pointless, he felt too out of it to try to joke and pretend it was not the truth, “I do not trust you.” If that encounter was going to be thing that finally got him kicked out of the team for offending Lotor, so be it, he was just tired.  
“I guessed that myself,” he could not understand how that man thought. He could not understand then what was then doing there, what did he want from him? “We have been enemies longer than we had been allies,” mentally he thanked the prince didn’t try to play their alliance as friendship. “But even I can see that there is something else,” was it? “You are not just avoiding me but all the other paladins too,” was he doing that?  
“We are still capable of forming Voltron, so you should not worry for us, we are capable of maintaining our part of the deal,” surely Voltron and the alliance had something to do with the sudden concern of the taller male. Why else someone like Lotor will take the time to speak to him?  
“That is not what I meant,” he could hear the prince moving, his footsteps, until he could feel him right behind him. Was he trying to say that he should leave the position of paladin to someone else then? Someone that would be more willing to cooperate with him?  
“Then what—“ he fall silent when one big hand came to rest on top of his head, it was a simple touch, not too intrusive, nor threatening or demanding… Just… Just a touch. The hand caressed his head softly, and even when Lance wanted to back off and scream and just run off, he couldn’t help himself and almost melt on the contact. A positive touch, a soft caress and nothing else, if he had been a cat he surely had purred.  
“Everything is okay,” the prince whisper softly, his voice so low that if they hadn’t been in complete silence he could have missed it, “You are doing a good job… It’s only natural to not trust me.”

  
And just like that… With just three sentences Lance started to cry. All his hurt came down in tears and sobs. All the emptiness and loneliness came to the front and he could not contain himself. He had tried to be strong, he had really tried. He had tried so hard to be what everyone wanted him to be that it was eating him alive. He just had needed that, some reassurance, something to hold to.

  
And he cried, he cried and bawled, sob and almost scream while the prince stood there, just caressing his head, whispering sweet nothings, sweet reassurances just for him. He did not know how long they stayed there, the only thing he knew was that when his crying stopped and the caresses also did he felt better, he felt lighter. The prince whispered his goodbyes and as suddenly as he arrived he disappeared. Lance stood there alone for a couple of minutes without really understanding what had just happened but finally also went back to his room.

  
\-----------------------------------

After that encounter things started to change, subtly but changed. The void inside of him became a little smaller. He felt like he could breathe a little better around it. He felt a little better, a little stronger. He still did not trust Lotor completely but was able to share the same physical space without looking at him every second.

Of course just one night of crying and reassurance would not fix the void inside him, that would have been illogical. So after a couple of days he was back at the observation deck. The void was not as strong but still was there and still weighed him down at nights so it was only natural for him to be back there. And then out of the blue the prince appeared, as if he had been waiting for him to show up, and the pattern repeated itself. The crying, the caresses, the reassurance… Everything happened again… And it made him feel better.

It became a routine of sorts, when the void became impossible to bear he would go to the observation deck, and every night without fault Lotor will appear. The contact between them even became bolder sometimes… Sometimes the prince would even hug him while caressing his hair. Sometimes they will just hold hands in silence while the thumb of Lotor traced patterns in the back of his hand. Sometimes he still cried, but others they will just remain silent, just accompanying each other and watch the stars, because Lance started to watch the stars and not just the void between them.

  
\--------------------------

Little by little the void inside of him started to reduce, to disappear, slowly but surely. Little by little Lance started to feel more like himself. He started to smile genuinely again, the light of his smile reaching his eyes. He started to joke around again. He was able to speak up his mind even if he was shut down… That one was still hard… He was trying but every time Shiro shut him down at night he would end up in the observation deck. But he was getting better, he even started openly talking to Lotor in public. The prince was always gentle, answering his questions and even laughing at his antiques… His team started to get suspicious, but he did not notice it… He should have more vigilant.

  
One night, Lance went to the observation deck, every day that passed made the void more manageable but he still went to the observation deck regularly. He knew that the only reason because he was getting better was because of Lotor… Also he started to enjoy those reunions and he was no willing to give them up while he could get them.

  
And as every night, Lotor appeared. Silently, suddenly as he always did. Lance smiled at him and greeted him with a silly pick up line, the prince just smiled and rolled his eyes before going to his side. They talk a little bit and ended sitting down on the floor, Lance partially laying on Lotor chest, the older male holding him and tracing patterns in his arms with his fingers, a comfortable silence between them. Everything perfect as every night they spent together. There were not in a relationship, heck he was not even sure if he thought of Lotor in that way, but he did feel safe with him, between his arms, hearing the beating of his heart.

  
The night was uneventful as always, Lotor kissed his head before whispering his goodbyes and both went back to their respective rooms as always. But with the day cycle the problems arrived. He was in high spirits until Shiro cornered him when he was just about to enter to the kitchen. Something was off on the expression of the Black Paladin, he looked enraged, and he was not sure why. He tried to joke or say something to get out of the situation, but as always Shiro shut him down.

  
“What are you trying to do, Lance?” Lance could not understand the question, he was going for breakfast of course… “You know well that the princess has feelings for prince Lotor… Are you trying to ruin that for her to accomplish your petty revenge?”  
“What?” he felt like a deer caught on headlights.  
“I saw you last night,” he felt a knot forming in his stomach, “We all tolerated your jealousy for Lotor, but this is a step too far. What are you trying to do? Hurt Princess Allura?” Of course he was not doing that, he hadn’t even started everything, he… He just felt better, he felt good when Lotor was with him.  
“We… We are just friends!” his voice came louder that what he had wanted, but he was telling the truth they were just friends… Weren’t they? They haven’t talked about anything else, they haven’t kissed…  
“It didn’t look like that to me, and I’m sure that the rest will agree… C’mon Lance, stop denying it, just accept what you are doing and stop it,” it was like all the progress made with the void inside of him disappeared with the words of the Black Paladin. The hurt was back, the pain and the loneliness. “I’m sure the other will side with me, and I doubt they would want to work with someone capable of doing something like that to a friend.”

  
Shiro backed off after that words and Lance took that as the signal to escape. He just ran off, he was no longer hungry. He ended up in Red’s cockpit, to hide inside of her seemed the safest bet to be able to stay alone. Was he really doing what Shiro said? Was he hurting Allura? Did Lotor had something with her? Would the others think horrible things of him if they knew of his nocturne reunions with Lotor? What should he do?

  
\----------------------------------

Lance went back to his old ways, he started to avoid Lotor and the other paladins, but now he could not go to the observation deck. He knew that if Lotor appeared there his resolution would crumble like wet tissue paper and he would end bawling and crying in Lotor’s chest… He was too weak. At the beginning the Prince tried to talk to him in the corridors of the Castle of Lions when no one was around, he even tried going to his room at night, but Lance had decided to not hurt Allura and doing the best for the team.

  
Eventually, Lotor stopped trying, and the void came back with a vengeance. Lance felt weaker by the day. He could barely breath at that point. The emptiness was crushing him. Then the Kral Zera happened and Lotor was no longer prince, but emperor of the Galran empire… The distance between them became wider, Lance no longer knew how even talked to him. The others were thrilled, he felt miserable.

  
They ended up meeting the new emperor in the heart of the Galran empire itself. It was weird to be allies with the race that they had been fighting for so long but the thrill was far bigger. Lance ended up playing around with Hunk and Pidge on the ship, that was the more he had had in months and felt a little better during their silly games. But in the end the void was still there as big as ever.

  
At some point during a game of hide and seek with a robot Lance ended up alone and lost, he did not know where he was or how to go back… Awesome. He looked around the ship not knowing what to do. Of course his team will search for him once it was time to go back to the Castle of Lions, yet that didn’t make him feel better. He sighed while walking around silently searching for something he could recognize, anything.

  
“Greetings, Red Paladin,” Lance froze on the spot when he heard that voice behind his back, that has to be a terrible joke.  
“I thought you were on a reunion with the princess and Shiro,” running away wasn’t an option, surely he would end completely lost if he did that.  
“I was,” then he should found his way back to his friends before it was time to go or Shiro would pissed, “but I excused myself early because I was informed that you were roaming the corridors of the ship on your own.” Any idea or excuse that Lance was formulating died in his throat.  
“Excuse me?” That were the only words he could utter.  
“I requested to be informed if any of my servants noticed that you were on your own,” Lance was completely and utterly lost, he did not know what to do or say to that.  
“Am I in trouble for wandering?” That was the stupidest thing to say but his dumb brain did not find any other idea. Lotor laughed and the clear sound almost scared him, at one point he had been so used to it that he would had lean into the body of the male alien to feel how the laugh made his whole body tremble softly, now he just stood there awkwardly.  
“No, that’s not it,” of course not, “I just wanted the opportunity of speaking with you… Alone.”  
“What would an emperor would like to discuss with someone like me?”  
“You had been avoiding me, Lance,” his name slipped from Lotor’s lips and he had the desire to eliminate the distance between them and just collapse on his embrace but Lance restrained himself.  
“I don’t trust you,” he was lying, it had been months since he started to trust him, but he was trying to hurt him, to push him away.  
“You are lying.”  
“I’m telling the truth, I do not trust you, I never had and… And I was tired of pretending to like you,” he hoped that that would be enough to push him away, each word coming out of his mouth was hurting him  
“You are lying,” Lotor sounded so sure that he felt like he was about to crumble, “I know you are lying because I know you. I have taken the time to get to know you, I know each gesture, each smile… The way in which your lips twitch with a hidden smile when you are planning a prank, the way your eye light when someone recognize you… How your face darkens when the Black Paladin or Allura shut you down. I know that when you lie you fidget with your hands and that you are unable to look me to the face… I know everything so do not try to fool me.”  
Only then he turned around to face the other male, his entire body trembling, the tears threatening with spilling down his cheeks. Oh god… He had really missed him; he had needed him. He could no longer hold it together and just literally collapsed against the older male, he held tight to the clothes of the emperor and started crying. He felt as if the only thing he did around Lotor was cry, but he couldn’t help it. He just grabbed to the half Galran, half Altean male like his life depended on it. And soon the emperor has holding him back.  
“There you go,” he whispered, “cry to your heart content, you have been so alone, haven’t you?” Lance could not answer, he just cried harder. “I know, I know,” he continued talking even when the Cuban boy was not listening. “They are such a terrible group, aren’t they? They let you go around this hurt without they taking the time to talk to you…” Lance couldn’t wrap his brain around the idea that Lotor cared for him in that way, “who was the one who tell you to stay away from me?” Lotor made things seem so simple as if he could just tell him everything and he would make it right.  
“Shiro… He told me that I would hurt Allura,” he answered between quiet sobs burying his head deeper in the chest of the taller male, “I tried… I swear I tried… I tried to not hurt her, I tried to be what they needed me to be, but it’s killing me. I so sorry…” The tremors that were shaking his body were uncontrollable.  
“Why would the princess be hurt?” Lotor sounded truly puzzled by the declaration and that made Lance confused too.  
“Because she likes you…”  
“Oh… Yeah, I knew… But we have already talked about it,” that made lance look up from where he had been hiding, brows furrowed in confusion. “Yes, we have already sorted that out… I did not reciprocate her feelings and we decided to remain as friends… I told her that I already liked someone else and she was really understanding.”  
“Someone else?” The crying had reduced, some tears still rolled down his face but it was no longer as desperate as at the beginning.  
“I like you, I really like you…” The prince confessed softly looking him straight into the eyes. “Did you think that I take the time to console and hug every person I know?” Well, yeah, seen it like that it was stupid. “I may even say that I’m in love with you and your silly incomprehensible pick-up lines.” At that Lance laughed.  
“Why?”  
“Why what?”  
“Why me?”  
“And why not you?”

  
And just like that the young emperor banished all his self-doubt. Lance just buried his head in his chest and tremors shake his body again. But this time he was laughing, he felt so happy.

  
\--------------------------

Saying that his team had been confused would have been an understatement. They had been completely astonished, trying to figure when that had happened. But Lance didn’t try to explain it. No, he was done with explaining, he just stood there clutching Lotor’s hand in his. Things hadn’t been easy, much less when he told them he was not planning on going back to Voltron. The look of utter betrayal had been the worse part but he stood his ground, at the end of the day he was sure that Red would take Keith back.

  
Finally, they got it, Hunk even hugged him and wished him the best before going. And they left. Lance felt free, he could not how free he felt now that Voltron was no longer looming over him. Life became good, with Lotor by his side everything was easier, he no longer felt the need to keep everything together. He could cry and laugh whenever he felt like it, he could speak up his mind and there would always be someone willing to discuss his ideas, good or bad. Sometimes he would win the argument, sometimes he would lose, but it was refreshing for him to feel heard.

  
“Time to wake up, Lance,” he grunted slightly before opening one eye to face his boyfriend, soon to be husband.  
“Five more minutes.”  
“C’mon, lazy, we had a reunion in ten minutes, I let you sleep until the last minute,” Lance grunted again and turn in the bed, it was too early. “It’s the reunion with team Voltron, you said you wanted to be in this one.” Yeah… He said that, he had not seen his team in five years, he wanted to see Hunk and even Keith, know how things were going, but the bed was so comfortable…  
“Fine! But you have to treat me later,” he laughed a bit and ended up getting up. Lotor laughed and shook his head but let him get away with his little tantrum.  
“I’ll be waiting you outside, hurry up,” and then he left. Lance sighed pleased, he would see his friends, that was always good.

  
He stood up, took a quick shower and dressed himself. Lotor spoiled him rotten, he had lots of nice clothes, Galran, Altean and even Earth clothes that he absolutely adores. For the occasion he picked an Altean robe and got out of their room. And just as he had said, Lotor was waiting for him, he smiled and rushed to his side with a little smile tugging his lips. The emperor, smiled back.

  
“You look as pretty as always,” Lance giggled and Lotor bent a little to kiss him softly, “and as much as I would like to spend some quality time together we are already late.” Lance laughed again and just took his hand to start walking to the conference room.  
“You know…” he whispered when they were reaching the place of the reunion, “you saved me…”

  
And without letting him answer he entered the room with a bright smile. Yeah… He was so happy now, and everything was due to that alien he loved.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading, I hope you enjoy it, if so, please leave a comment they would be widely appreciated.


End file.
